mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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