I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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