I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You've changed since you got that strap on
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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