HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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