There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize