True but thats because hes a fetus.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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