chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize