is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize