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DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
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