So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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