is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am one with the molecules
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