Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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