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Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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