dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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