my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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