I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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