Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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