I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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