oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize