drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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