I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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