Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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