I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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