great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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