he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize