My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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