I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize