He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
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I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How naked do you want me to be?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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