god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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