I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize