my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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