I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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