Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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