After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize