I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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