Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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