A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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