I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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