He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize