Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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