I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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