About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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