the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize