So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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