he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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