nutella sex= disaster
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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