I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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