Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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