I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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