i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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